Stuff and stuff...

Not a lot going on...I joined Curves, it's a 30 minute circuit workout of hydraulic machines mixed with light cardio. I've also found a Zumba class to go to a couple of times a week. The Zumba class was different that the ones I used to take at the Y, the moves were the same, but I didn't care for the music. I'm sure I'll get used to it. I'm trying to stay very positive and on track, it's hard since what is bringing me down isn't anything I can control. That is part of what really ticks me off!!!! That I can't control it, I am a bit of a control freak and the fact that I can't control this....OH IT MAKES ME SO MAD.
I hate to sound like I don't know how truly blessed I am, I know. I have everything that I've ever wished for plus more than I could have ever imagined to wish for. I have a great husband, who is trying so hard to be there for me right now and trying to understand why I break down in tears for absolutely NO reason. I have 3 healthy, beautiful, intelligent and hilarious kids who crack me up on a daily basis. Plus so much more.

Greyson has become the best big brother to Audra (Colton still irritates the crap out of him LOL). Audra was in the living room in her Boppy, I was in the bathroom with Colton, she started to fuss and got pretty stirred up. She stopped by the time I was done with Colt so I went in to check on her. Greyson was sitting on the floor watching cartoons and cradling her in his lap, she was as happy as can be. It was so dang cute.
Colton is still...Colton. If you know him that is all that needs to be said about that one. If not, he is the cheekiest little thing that you'll ever meet. Everywhere we go he has to check out the bathrooms. He says he has to go potty, you take him in and he usually doesn't have to go. LOL We went to my Mother's-in-law office family picnic, for the first 15 min we were there he was talking in the growly voice, everything he'd say. I was laughing so hard I could hardly ask him what he wanted. Who knows!?!? Kid's a mess.
Audra is getting too big too fast, she has me wrapped around her finger. I don't know if it's because I know for fact that she is my last (part of why I think I'm a little depressed, it's SO final) or because she's a girl, but I want to hold her all the time. Not that I have time for that, but I want to regardless. LOL She has gotten so chunky already, her little legs are starting to get the michelin man look and she's got 2 (working on 3) chins. LOL In the past week she has started to "talk" and really interact and smile at us. It's adorable.
Right now, I'm trying to live moment by moment and take it all in. I don't want to look back at this time and remember the funk, I want to remember it as the time that we had just moved into our new house and Greyson was 7, Colton was 2 and Audra was 9 weeks.

Damn postpartum.

Ok, so I'm 3 and 0 with this crap now! It's very frustrating, to feel so lonely while you're surrounded by so many people who love you, and to know the cause but not be able to do anything about it. I really thought I'd avoid it this time, with so many wonderful things going on, I thought somehow whatever hormonal changes that occur with me post pregnancy would somehow vanish with out any hint that they were ever there. For about a week right after we moved into the house, I thought I was over it, thought maybe it was just the "postpartum blues", but once the excitement of the move wore off and we settled back into a routine it set back in.
Tobin doesn't understand, hell I don't either! I just know I feel like crap! He stays away from me for the most part, probably for fear of getting his head bitten off! This is our 3rd baby, you'd think by now he'd expect it. LOL
I'm going this week to join a gym to start working out again hoping that will kick this depression in the ass. I really missed working out when I was pregnant, and now I just feel like a fat lump! I really diluted myself into thinking that because I only gained 27 lbs that I would be back into my pre-preggo clothes in a couple of months...WELL, it's been almost 2 mos and I'm NOT. I forgot how long after a c-section it takes your belly to go back to normal, and with each one it seems to get worse. I told Tobin, I don't think after this one it is ever going to go back to anything resembling "normal".
Well, that's all!
Hopefully I'll be feeling like myself again in a few weeks. At least this time I'm at home and only making my husband miserable and not an entire office full of co-workers. :-)