Just a thought

A few years ago I ran into an old friend, who had gotten married about a year and a half before. We spoke for about 10 minutes and during that short conversation, he told me at least 5 times how happy he was and how happy he was in his married life. I remember thinking, "who are you trying to convince...me or YOU?". They are now divorced, due to infidelity on both sides and one questionable paternity. My point is this, if you are happy you usually don't have to tell people that you are, they can just tell. Also, if you are happily married, do people usually question it? Just a thought...

Whoa, it's been while. There has been quite a bit going on lately. Let's see...where to start?



Kids...Greyson is playing football, and having a blast. He has always been very sensitive and passive, so he has had a little trouble learning to be aggressive. It's fun to watch, but he's getting in there! I was so proud of him today, he helped cause a fumble, he actually got on the receiver first and then another Falcon helped bring him down. That's my boy!!! He has started 2nd grade and is loving his teacher! We're still having issues with him talking too much in class, but he seriously comes by that honestly! I'm hoping he'll outgrow this or mature and realize that there is a time and place for conversation (like I did - haha). He and Audra really have a special relationship already. She loves her Bubba, they both do this gurgly sound in the back of their throat, no one else in the house can do it, so he'll do it and then she'll do it back. It's hilarious. She actually loves both of her brothers! She looks at them so adoringly, it's so sweet.



Colton has really started to calm down, I can't really call him "my monster" anymore. I can even take him to the store and not have to put him in the buggy anymore. I guess he really did outgrow it. I think a lot of it was the new baby, it was such an adjustment for him. For such a long time it was just me and him during the day in the old house. Then boom! We have a baby, spend a couple of weeks at Ma-Ma and Pa-Pa's ("Ma's house, eat meents, house" as he calls it), then the school year ended and Greyson was home all day. THEN, we moved into a whole new house. So many changes for a not quite 3 year old. One evening, a few weeks after we moved into the new house, we were driving home from my parents', when we got to the intersection where we now turn right (to get to the old house we turned left), he started to whine and said, "No Mommy, our home is that way". Kinda broke my heart. I guess he's starting to adjust to all of the changes.



Audra is getting so big, and I mean BIG! At her 4 month check up she was 16.2 lbs (91%) and 25" (75%). She has already outgrown her 3-6 month winter clothes, some of which she hasn't worn yet. She is growing so fast, and starting to really come to life. I forgot how much fun it is, the first year. I feel like I really missed out on a lot with Colton's first year because I was working so many hours. I'm really trying to just enjoy every second, and absorb everything that she does. I got this crazy idea in my head that I will never rock one of my own babies so she is SO spoiled!! She will not go to sleep unless I'm rocking her. It's horrible, she'll lay there and scream her head off and I'll pick her up and rock her for 60 seconds and she's out. Terrible!! LOL I decided that next week, we're going to work on naps without rocking. Wish me luck! She's also getting loud enough to compete with her brothers. She lays on her play mat and squeals, and laughs, and talks. It's so funny to watch.


When I first started to write this a few days ago, I was excited because I thought I was going to be re-joining the working "stiffs", but not now. Tobin was laid off from work a little over a month ago and I figured it would be at least after the first of the year before he got a call back. The hall called today and he goes back on Monday. I'm happy that he's going back, although I was looking forward to working part time. He'll be working on College Station, which is a pretty far drive and with his school on Saturdays, it would be pretty difficult for me to work, even part time. Don't get me wrong, I love being with my kiddos every day, but a Mommy needs a break every now and again. I really am going to miss having Tobin around every day. I didn't think I would until he told me he got the call. LOL We're annoying the crap out of each other, but I'm still going to miss him. We are one of those couples that can't spend every waking moment together, we start to nit-pick. haha! We both really need "me" time.

I know there is at least one person who was elated to hear that Tobin was laid off and hoping that we would lose our house, savings, and/or marriage (you know who you are). To you, let me say this...I tried for a long time, and did succeed for a short time, to hate you too. I realized a few weeks ago that I don't (I can't) truly hate you, to it takes too much energy and I just don't want to waste that precious commodity. Plus, the negative feelings were eating me up. Just know that I do pity you, I pray for you and hope that you find a way let go of all of the hate that you have. Maybe one day if you can find a way to be happy with yourself and your life you can then realize that I should not have that kind of effect on you or your life. Let go, I have. I didn't want to waste the time to write this, but I am so tired of it all.

All in all, things are pretty good, we're settling in and the house is starting to feel like home. My babies are doing great, and Tobin and I have weathered another storm. We will take our days as God gives them to us and are thankful for everything that we have. Starting Monday, I will be focused on keeping Colton's horns at bay at dealing with Tobin going back to work. :-D

Well...

Wow! In the past week or so I have really started to feel human again, I would even dare to say I'm feeling pretty good. It's very weird to explain if you've never experienced it. It's almost like I was walking around in a daze, under a cloud. The worst part is that my life is so wonderfully blessed that I have absolutely NO reason to feel any sort of down!
I gave up my membership to Curves. It was kind of boring, for me. I like to really get my heart rate up. I joined LA Fitness and have been taking the classes and working on the cardio machines. I think that's part of what has helped nip this PPD in the bud! Something about good exercise that makes me feel so good. I told Tobin that when I was working out before I got pregnant with Audra, was the best I have felt in my life, physically, emotional, mentally. I am now 6 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight, but I'm wondering if after 3 c-sections...will my belly ever resemble anything close to what it did before? LOL I tried to do an ab machine at the gym today, I had it on the lowest weight setting and COULD NOT get it down. Whew! They are shot. Maybe I'll start saving for a tummy-tuck. ;-) Naw!
Tobin and I went through a sort of stressful situation a few weeks ago. Drama caused by outside sources. Something which I would have thought could drive a wedge between us, but it has actually brought us closer. Anyone that has been married for any length of time is aware that all marriages go through ups and downs, and anyone who has known Tobin and me knows that we have had our share. I think that we, right now, are the strongest and closest that we have ever been. I was thinking the other day that, I can't call him the man of my dreams, because I would have never thought to dream this big. He's a wonderful husband and an amazing father. Now, you know if I thought he'd read this, I wouldn't say that, his head is big enough.
The kiddos are doing great! Greyson started 2nd grade and is loving it and his teacher! He also started tackle football, which he's not so crazy about. We tried to tell him, but he didn't believe, that he would not just do the hitting, but would also GET hit. We're hoping that once they start playing games (just in practice now), he'll enjoy it more. Colton is adjusting to Greyson not being here, he really missed his "Bubba" the first few days. We have started working on letters and the sounds they make. He's picking it up very well. He recognizes his name and most of the vowels. He's a smart little cookie! Audra is doing great and growing like a little weed, she was over 15 lbs at her appointment last week (3 mos), she has developed reflux and is throwing up all day. We have been trying what the doctor recommended for about a week and it doesn't seem to be working. I'm going to call the doctor again on Monday.
All in all, things are going well. We are all healthy and happy, who could ask for anything more?

Stuff and stuff...

Not a lot going on...I joined Curves, it's a 30 minute circuit workout of hydraulic machines mixed with light cardio. I've also found a Zumba class to go to a couple of times a week. The Zumba class was different that the ones I used to take at the Y, the moves were the same, but I didn't care for the music. I'm sure I'll get used to it. I'm trying to stay very positive and on track, it's hard since what is bringing me down isn't anything I can control. That is part of what really ticks me off!!!! That I can't control it, I am a bit of a control freak and the fact that I can't control this....OH IT MAKES ME SO MAD.
I hate to sound like I don't know how truly blessed I am, I know. I have everything that I've ever wished for plus more than I could have ever imagined to wish for. I have a great husband, who is trying so hard to be there for me right now and trying to understand why I break down in tears for absolutely NO reason. I have 3 healthy, beautiful, intelligent and hilarious kids who crack me up on a daily basis. Plus so much more.

Greyson has become the best big brother to Audra (Colton still irritates the crap out of him LOL). Audra was in the living room in her Boppy, I was in the bathroom with Colton, she started to fuss and got pretty stirred up. She stopped by the time I was done with Colt so I went in to check on her. Greyson was sitting on the floor watching cartoons and cradling her in his lap, she was as happy as can be. It was so dang cute.
Colton is still...Colton. If you know him that is all that needs to be said about that one. If not, he is the cheekiest little thing that you'll ever meet. Everywhere we go he has to check out the bathrooms. He says he has to go potty, you take him in and he usually doesn't have to go. LOL We went to my Mother's-in-law office family picnic, for the first 15 min we were there he was talking in the growly voice, everything he'd say. I was laughing so hard I could hardly ask him what he wanted. Who knows!?!? Kid's a mess.
Audra is getting too big too fast, she has me wrapped around her finger. I don't know if it's because I know for fact that she is my last (part of why I think I'm a little depressed, it's SO final) or because she's a girl, but I want to hold her all the time. Not that I have time for that, but I want to regardless. LOL She has gotten so chunky already, her little legs are starting to get the michelin man look and she's got 2 (working on 3) chins. LOL In the past week she has started to "talk" and really interact and smile at us. It's adorable.
Right now, I'm trying to live moment by moment and take it all in. I don't want to look back at this time and remember the funk, I want to remember it as the time that we had just moved into our new house and Greyson was 7, Colton was 2 and Audra was 9 weeks.

Damn postpartum.

Ok, so I'm 3 and 0 with this crap now! It's very frustrating, to feel so lonely while you're surrounded by so many people who love you, and to know the cause but not be able to do anything about it. I really thought I'd avoid it this time, with so many wonderful things going on, I thought somehow whatever hormonal changes that occur with me post pregnancy would somehow vanish with out any hint that they were ever there. For about a week right after we moved into the house, I thought I was over it, thought maybe it was just the "postpartum blues", but once the excitement of the move wore off and we settled back into a routine it set back in.
Tobin doesn't understand, hell I don't either! I just know I feel like crap! He stays away from me for the most part, probably for fear of getting his head bitten off! This is our 3rd baby, you'd think by now he'd expect it. LOL
I'm going this week to join a gym to start working out again hoping that will kick this depression in the ass. I really missed working out when I was pregnant, and now I just feel like a fat lump! I really diluted myself into thinking that because I only gained 27 lbs that I would be back into my pre-preggo clothes in a couple of months...WELL, it's been almost 2 mos and I'm NOT. I forgot how long after a c-section it takes your belly to go back to normal, and with each one it seems to get worse. I told Tobin, I don't think after this one it is ever going to go back to anything resembling "normal".
Well, that's all!
Hopefully I'll be feeling like myself again in a few weeks. At least this time I'm at home and only making my husband miserable and not an entire office full of co-workers. :-)

Chaos!!!!!!!!!

...and the chaos ensues!!! About 6 months into my pregnancy, my sweet little angel toddler grew devil horns and began to channel the Tasmanian Devil. Staying home with him has become a chore, Tobin laughs and says "I couldn't do it!". I can't even go into enough detail to explain how he acts, it's constant. He NEVER stops moving. He'll blow through a clean room leaving a trail of destruction behind him, knocked over cups, toys everywhere, sofa decor pillows and throw blankets on the floor, anything and everything out of it's place. Then he'll turn around and give you the most innocent (but very mischievous look) and you can't help but laugh. We also joke that he is a "snake charmer", everyone who meets him says "he's so CUTE", Tobin and I laugh that you can almost see their eyes spinning (like a cartoon character being hypnotised). Anyway...a couple of days before I delivered Audra, my Mom tells me "you know the third child will add enough chaos that it will seem like you have 10, for some reason that third one seems to multiply the chaos 10 times more than the other 2 combined". Thanks, Mom, you couldn't have told me this BEFORE we decided that we had to have another. LOL

Well, it has begun and poor Greyson seems to be getting swept up in the chaotic dust of the two little ones. The other day, I was making lunch for the boys, they were outside playing so I called them in to wash their hands. They come running in the house, Greyson is screaming "Colton stepped in dog poop w/his bare feet". Ok no problem. I took him outside sprayed is foot off, cleaned it up w/some dish soap and got the boys in to eat. I had already fed Audra, she was sleeping in the Boppy on the couch, so I start to make my lunch. Now for the chaos...I start to make my lunch, Audra starts screaming, Colton starts yelling that he's done and ready to get up, I get him up. The boys go back outside, I get Audra settled and try to finish w/my lunch. Just as I get it done and ready to eat, Audra starts screaming again, I go over to check on her just as she starts pucking up the whole bottle I'd just given her. It was coming out of her nose and mouth, then Colton comes running in again w/dog poop all over his feet, this time getting it all over the floor...

Bedtime has become a nightmare! We are still staying with my parents, we close on the house tomorrow (thank God!!), but every night Colton screams his head off for at least an hour after he is put to bed. Now Audra has decided that she doesn't seem to like evenings either! She fusses and cries and wants to eat and eat and eat until at least midnight. Again, poor Greyson is
is practically being ignored (the squeaky wheel syndrome). He's such a good big brother, though.

I don't want it to seem like I'm complaining, I love my babies more than life itself. Tonight, I just started to laugh. What else can you do, I just keep thinking about that country song "You're gonna miss this". I know that one day they are all going to be doing their own thing, or gone and I'm going to miss them wanting me to hold them before they go to bed. Lord know, I miss it with Greyson already. He's too grown up for that. :-(

Audra Lillyan is here!!!!

39 weeks, 27 lbs, and unmeasurable worry...on May 18th at 8:39am, we welcomed Audra to our family. After all the weeks of worry and stress and the overwhelming feeling that something would go horribly wrong, she is beautiful and perfect. I realize that I am a bit biased, but she is the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen. I guess in one aspect my "gut feeling" did come to fruition. It is one reason that I am thankful that Tobin and I have decided not to have any more children.
This was my 3rd Cesarean, so I was pretty confident that I knew what to expect, my first with Greyson, was an emergency. I had been laboring for close to 18 hours and he was beginning to go into distress, plus my blood pressure was dropping with every contraction. By the time they made the decision to take him by Cesarean my epidural had begun to wear off so the anaesthesiologist worked on getting me numb enough for the surgery. I was exhausted and was in and out of conscienceless while they were prepping me, then one of the nurses pinched my stomach...I woke immediately and said "OUCH". On the other side of the curtain I could hear a lot of movement and chattering..."did she say ouch?". So they began to poke me with a tool to see where I could feel. Unfortunately, whatever was being used to numb me was not taking, they ended up using general anesthesia . The recovery was horrible, for what seemed like forever after I shook uncontrollably, which was excruciatingly painful. Plus I always felt like I had missed out on that special moment of Greyson's first breath. Thankfully, Tobin was allowed to video tape the delivery, because I have no memories for the first several hours after coming out of anesthesia.
Colton's delivery was much more pleasant, they rolled me into the delivery room, the anesthesiolgist put the medicine in my back, they laid me back on the table. Dr. Montgomery came in and 15 minutes later, Colton was out screaming and I was crying with joy and watching them clean him up.
Audra's delivery wasn't as pleasant. We were scheduled for 8:00 am surgery, we arrived at 6:30 checked in, they hooked me up to the IV, got me in the gown, and ready to roll into the operating room. When the anesthesiologist put the spinal/epidural (not 100% sure what they use), something immediately felt different than when I had Colton. With Colton's delivery, my legs began to tingle and go numb immediately. This time I could still feel and move my toes. As they were prepping me, I knew that it wasn't working. The doctor started to pinch me to see exactly where I had feeling...everywhere! Crap, here we go again. I started to cry and told them that I DID NOT want to be put under, Dr. Montgomery agreed to use a local to help with the numbing as he cut. It was HORRIBLE!!! I could feel them cutting into me. He would inject me with the local and cut a little more, then I would start to feel it, so he'd inject more. I remember him asking the nurse to bring all of the local anestesthia that they had in that supply room. I was crying, but refused to be put under, I couldn't stand the thought of missing her first breath. Dr. Montgomery finally stopped and told the anesthesiologist to knock me out, give me the general, "she doesn't want it" she told him. I was trying so hard not to scream as he made one more cut, that I felt all the way across. I finally gave in and told them to put me under, I couldn't stand it anymore. Thank goodness, Tobin did a great job of keeping the video camera on the entire time so I was able to see from the time they pulled her out until they took her out to the nursery. They woke me as they were cleaning Audra up, I have absolutely no memories of that or the next 2-3 hours. The only memories that I have are from an outsider seeing it on video. I would not hesitate to do it all again for Audra, and I will have the memories of taking her home, and the lifetime of memories in the future.
I still feel like the luckiest most blessed woman in the world. I can't imagine having a richer fuller life than I have. My boys are amazing, Greyson loves his baby sister so much, he is going to be so protective of her!!! He'll sit and watch tv w/his hand in the bassinet and rub her head, it's adorable. Colton is showing a little signs of jealousy, but all in all he is doing great. He loves to help with anything to do with "his" baby. Audra is such a good baby, the only time she cries is when she's hungry or dirty. I stand back everyday and marvel at them, and thank God for everything that he has given me.

Come on!!!

Well, I feel as if someone has let go of that shoe and it's dropping. A few weeks ago, I started to have Braxton Hicks contractions, from the experiences with my pregnancy with Colton, I knew they were nothing to be concerned about. They gradually got stronger and stronger, then 2 nights ago they got very intense and 5 minutes apart. They just plain hurt!!! They felt like real contractions, I felt them all the way down to my bottom, and having gone through labor with Greyson I remember what they felt like. I was still hoping they were Braxton Hicks, and by about 1:00 am, they had mostly subsided. When I woke up yesterday morning, the contractions were gone, but I still felt a lot of pressure and just crampy. Tobin and my Mom were concerned so, I called the doctor. They told me to go to the hospital to be monitored. Thankfully I didn't have one contraction while I was there, but they did check me and I'm 2 1/2 - 3cm dilated. That scares me so much more than the contractions. With Colton, I was having contractions but never dilated, they were able to stop the contractions, but how do you stop dilation? The thing that scares me the most is that while pregnant with Greyson, I was dilated to about a 1 for near 2 weeks, but once I hit about 3 we were off and running!

This pregnancy has had it's share of complications (although very minor) at 6 weeks I had the swine flu (H1N1), and had to take Tamiflu. The PA at my doctor's office wasn't very thrilled about that and because the pregnancy was so early, her exact words were "you'll have to take it (because the flu CAN be more harmful to the baby than the medication) and we'll pray for the best". There are no real test studies on the affects of Tamiflu on first trimester pregnancies, or any pregnancies really. My doc says it's because pregnant women don't want to submit to new drug testing, I can't imagine why!!! I read the label and it seems the most likely complication in early pregnancy is skeletal malformation. I have had 5 ultrasounds and so far they have found no malformations, I ask at each one. Plus my doctor says he really feels there is nothing to worry about because Tamiflu is an antiviral and the baby is not a virus. After I recovered from the flu, I started to spot off and on for about 3 weeks, I was really expecting any day to lose the pregnancy. It turns out there was a tear in the placenta which was causing the spotting, it healed itself by the beginning of the 2nd trimester. I had to spend several days laying down w/my feet elevated due to that.

I know that this is incredibly selfish, because there are women going through much more complicated and stressful pregnancies, but I am just so scared of having a baby in the NICU. Having lost a nephew due to an infection from a breathing machine, it terrifies me. Granted Stephen's little body was very weak, which may be why he couldn't fight the infection, I just associat the NICU with a positive. I am praying that I can keep Audra in for at least 2 mor weeks. I am 35 weeks 4 days per the ultrasound (doc moved my due date up after 14 week ultrasound because she was measuring so big), or 34 wks 3 days by the date of my last period. I just pray the the ultrasound is correct and her lungs are on their way to full strength.

The other shoe...

Ok, I've always liked to think of myself as an optimist, key word in that sentence being "think". I know that I tend to have a pessimistic side, but lately I feel like I've been sitting around just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was telling Tobin a couple of months ago that I'm starting to feel like we've been living in a bubble for the past few years, that nothing bad has touched us. I mean nothing devastatingly bad. I was laid off from my job last year, but even that has worked out in our favor. While, I'm still looking for work, I'm enjoying being at home taking care of my family. I have the most amazing sons, who make me laugh everyday, and the most amazing husband who works so hard for our family, he never seems to get a break and now the another blessing I'm 31 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. There was only a 20% chance that we would have a girl after two boys in a row. WOW!

Now the fears...I went into labor early with Colton at 32 weeks. It was very anti-climactic really. I started to have some contractions (dummy me, I thought it was gas -- LOL). Went to the hospital, thankfully I wasn't dilated at all, just contracting. The doctor was able to stop it with meds and bed rest. So I got 6 weeks of "vacation", I wasn't allowed to do anything. The fear is that I will go into labor with Audra and they won't be able to stop it. That isn't the only fear, believe me. I'm terrified everyday, every little cramp I have, every time she doesn't move for a couple of hours. Oh and the boys! I couldn't sleep the other night for fear that Colton's nightlight was going to burst into flames. I worry that Greyson will be snatched from school. Anything and everything! From my first blog, you see my concern with Tobin's job. I'm beginning to make myself a little crazy! Tobin tries to calm me and tell me it's the hormones. I guess that's possible. I try not to tell him all of my concerns because he tends to worry too.

I thank God often for the many, many blessings in my life! I don't want to seem ungrateful, I am so thankful for what I have and where I am in life. I know this whole blog seems silly, I will probably look back after the baby is born and think "Geez, I was going crazy".

Colton

Colton is my 2 year old, my cheeky, too much personality for one little body, toddler. He is one of those kids that everyone who meets him says "he is so cute", and it's not always the way he looks, it's his huge personality.


I was a little worried about him when he was a baby because he just didn't talk. When I took him to his 18 month check up, the doctor asked if he was saying 10 words, I had to say "no", he was barely saying "Mommy" or "Daddy" at that time. She said we would re-evaluate at 2 years and if there isn't enough improvement we would have to discuss speech therapy. It was shortly after that, I got laid off from WFHM and was able to spend more one on one time with him. Within a couple of months he was talking up a storm. No one could really understand what he was saying, but after a couple more months, I was able to translate...and now, much like his big brother, he doesn't take a break much. His favorite saying is "go to Ma-Pa's house to eat MEENTS (mints)" which is a catch all phrase, he says it for everything, including yelling it at cars that honk or on the rare occasion (LOL) when I honk my horn. He'll yell it at them. He is one of those kids that when you're walking through the store, he's waving and saying "HI" and
"BYE" to everyone we pass.

He is constantly making people laugh, just like his Daddy. We laugh because Greyson looks just like Tobin, but acts like me and Colton looks just like me and acts like Tobin. It is never a dull moment when they are around.



Like most kids, he loves to dance and sing. When we're cleaning his room, he'll say "sing Mommy". He'll knock on a closed door, if you say "who is it", he'll say "it's me toton" He used to call himself "Nahners"...who know's how he got that out of "Colton". The kid is a brute too, he'll tackle and bring down Greyson. He doesn't think about how much smaller he is than Greyson, he'll start a run at him and take Greyson down at the knees. It's hilarious. He's also inheirated his Daddy's pitching arm. He's been throwing a ball (straight into someone's hand) since before he turned 1. Life in my home is never boring!!!!

Greyson

A little about my boys: Greyson, my oldest was our surprise miracle. It's no secret and most who know us already know that Tobin and I weren't married when we got pregnant with Greyson, in fact we were barely still together. Looking back now, I think it was all part of a plan. Neither Tobin, nor I would be where we are if we hadn't been blessed with him. Greyson was 4 months old when we got married, and one day when he realizes what it means that our anniversary is 4 months after his birthday, we will make it very clear to him that although he wasn't planned he was never ever unwanted!


It became apparent pretty early that Greyson was special. It wasn't that he developed social skills early, it was that he always seemed so much older than he was. He always seemed so aware of what was around him. He started to chatter very early (looking back now, that was a foreshadow of the child he has become -- haha never able stop talking for more than a minute). I remember him talking like crazy to Tobin's Aunts on his first Thanksgiving (he was just over 2 mos old), and at his Christmas, he was a little over two mos old, my Mom had a ceramic decor bear that she put on a table beside my Dad's recliner. Greyson would sit in your lap, prop himself up on his arms and talk up a storm to this bear. I didn't realize until later that that is not normal behavior for a 2 month old baby. We started to joke at a young age that he was an old soul. He had me very spoiled, thinking all babies are like this. He weened himself from the bottle, and broke himself from the pacifier. Now, I realize that (as my Grandma would say) every cow thinks her calf is the blackest, and I'm not saying that I think my son is a genius (ok, I think he is LOL), but there is something special about him and the way he looks at the world. One time he was about 4, we were all outside when the ice cream truck drove by. Greyson stared at the ice cream truck with stars in his eyes. As it got closer, he turned and looked at Tobin and me and smiled. Before he could even ask I said "no, maybe next time". He says "No....I WANT THAT JOB!" I guess in his mind, having that job meant all the ice cream you can eat.



He is 7 now and really able to try your patience! He's a good kid, but already seems to have the attitude of a teenager, and as I mentioned earlier he talks all the time (my curse from my parents I presume). I guess it's our fault, with him being an only child for so long, we let him get away with a lot more than we should have. I watch him sleep at night sometimes and wonder if your child ever gets to an age where it gets boring to watch them sleep.

hmmmmm

OK, I have several friends who blog and I figured it would be a good outlet for some of the craziness in my head. Where to start??? Well, I'm a wife and a mother of two boys. Greyson is 7 and Colton is 2, and am 20 weeks pregnant with a baby girl.

Tobin, my husband, is a commercial plumber (I have to put "commercial" in the title so that there is no confusion as to whether or not he touches poop -- seriously! He's a union plumber and they DO NOT touch the poo!!!), and I honestly never realized how dangerous his job is. He has been telling me stories the past few weeks about blow torch tanks blowing up and dismembering and/or killing plumbers. Then today he witnessed a fellow plumber almost get his head taken off (I mean seconds and inches from) by some flying pipe cover that was under pressure. Several weeks ago I had a dream that he was killed at work (before he started to tell me these stories). I finally had to tell him that I don't want to hear anymore. We were just talking the other day about how great the past few years have been, and today I was telling my Mother that I've come to the realization (I guess on some level I've always known, plus the pregnancy hormones always make me feel very connected to him) that I can't imagine my life without Tobin in it. I always get a little paranoid when I pregnant. I am praying more than usual lately, can't really be sure if it's because of this crazy fear or because on the other hand I feel so incredibly blessed to have what I have.

See what I mean...craziness in my head! I realize it is paranoia, but it helps to get it down. More on my beautiful boys later! The pregnancy insomnia has set in, so this will be a good outlet for me to get this out of my head before I try to put in on a pillow.